Nowadays any relationship that lasts 26 year can be considered to be a long one, so I’m rather proud of the fact that White Bull and I have passed our silver anniversary and look set to continue for a while yet.
The start was inauspicious though, definitely a one-sided affair with me being the reluctant half of what felt like an arranged marriage. It is safe to say that in the world of inter-dimensional relationships I was not the marrying type. There was nothing in my family background or signs in my early life that hinted at any potential for this kind of work. Maybe being born into a family where the heady cocktail of a service ethic on my father’s side of my family combined with duty on my mother’s side laid some foundations for my life as White Bull’s instrument. And I have always had complete empathy with Helen Schucman, channel for A Course in Miracles who, when she asked why she, a skeptical, rational human with no interest or belief in the metaphysical had been chosen for this task, received the reply “Because we knew you would do it”. White Bull might answer the same question from me in the same vein. From my strict upbringing I learned discipline and obedience, probably the best preparation one could have for the task that was revealed to me out of the blue in a meditation all those years ago.
I was not however completely new to the spiritual path. I already knew that I had the gift of healing and was embracing beliefs that would have my ancestors spinning in their graves. This combined with being “a little too sensitive” and having a total disinterest in playing rugby or cricket had already marked me as ‘different’ and placed me outside what was acceptable and understood in my family and social circle. Not for me a career in Law or Medicine which might have justified my expensive private education. My first job after leaving school was as a lift operator in Harrods department store in London.
Several other dead end jobs followed until, at the age of 29, White Bull came into my life. As I had not yet found what I wanted to do it could be said that White Bull saved me from a life of obscurity but, from an astrological perspective, his timing was perfect for he arrived exactly at the time of my Saturn Return, thus I believe confirming that our relationship was written in the stars.
In the years that have followed my ego has from time to time rebelled against the demands of the role as White Bull’s instrument, though they are demands I have mainly placed upon myself. It is not a job one can do except with total commitment. There can be no half measures and, as with every vocational life, sacrifices have often to be made. Slowly I’m learning that instead of resisting, a yet greater surrender to the task brings the energy needed to carry on.
But I make it sound only like a burden. Of course it is not! For 26 years my path has been liberally sprinkled with magic and Grace. In fact it has unfolded in such a way as I’ve hardly needed to lift a finger to make anything happen; I’ve just had to listen to and obey the direction of my inner voice. I’m so grateful that, unlike many who seek White Bull’s counsel on how to find their life’s purpose, mine found me and has kept me fully occupied for all these years. I’m grateful too that out of the countless wonderful people who have found their way to White Bull’s presence I have been able to forge many remarkable friendships, soul brothers and sisters, companionable fellow pilgrims with whom to travel life’s journey and offer each other mutual support and encouragement, and share laughter and celebration.
And as for White Bull himself, who is he? Did he once live on the prairies of North America? Was I White Bull in a previous incarnation? Is he a part of my Higher Self? The answer matters far less to me now than it did 26 years ago when my ego and determination to be authentic needed to know that he was something separate from me. I still can not say for sure what the truth is. His own answer to that question is “I am my message”. What I do know is that, like any other relationship lasting twenty six years, and in our case when he has spoken through me many thousands of times, our energies are able to merge more and more with each other and, rather like with an expensive wig, it may sometimes be hard to see the join. A long time ago he said that a time would come when he would withdraw a little and let me take centre stage thus enabling my own wisdom to emerge. This is because, as he so often states, spiritual energy is a most sacred commodity and not to be wasted. Rather like a Master and his apprentice, the student is entrusted with more and more responsibility while the teacher hovers in the background, always ready to step in to provide his expertise when needed. So what actually happens when I am in a trance in front of a client I cannot say because happily I don’t remember what has taken place, and I feel no need to know.
And to answer a little more seriously the question “Why me?”, I can now accept that some of my own innate qualities and gifts provide him with the perfect raw materials to convey his message. I recognize of course in White Bull’s teachings a resonance with my own deepest motivation, truth and yearnings, otherwise I would not be able absorb his vibration into my body. And perhaps most importantly White Bull has revealed that he is a part of the energy of St John The Beloved, the Apostle of Love, whose Gospel and teachings were the cornerstone of my own spirituality long before White Bull came into my life and which I have always tried to express as best as I can in my own life.